after my HK trip, i felt that it's time to bid farewell to canberra at the end of the year and relocate again - end of another cycle.

lately, i've been feeling very ignorant of what's happening around me. no, it's more like me wanting to slowly break away from this place. felt like i want to undo all that i've built over the past few years. am i unconsciously preparing myself to leave?

i think i am a horrible person.

margin of compassion

19 When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back to get it. Leave it for the alien, the fatherless and the widow, so that the LORD your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. 20 When you beat the olives from your trees, do not go over the branches a second time. Leave what remains for the alien, the fatherless and the widow. 21 When you harvest the grapes in your vineyard, do not go over the vines again. Leave what remains for the alien, the fatherless and the widow. 22 Remember that you were slaves in Egypt. That is why I command you to do this.

- Deuteronomy 24:19-22 (NIV)

Last Sunday, Ps Alun Davies visited our church and gave a very, very important sermon. It was based on the passage above, and it questioned all of us about compassion in our lives, about giving to those who are in need.

It's not just about giving gifts or money. The most precious for most of us, really, is time. Money given away can be earned again, but time lost can never be recovered. Our society today focuses so much on 'me' and 'I'. Some would attribute it to the rise of consumerism; we 'consume' so much, way beyond what we need.

"Oh, I want ___(enter most desired item)____, and ___(next most desired item)___, and ...."

The passage challenges commands us to simply leave some behind for others who are in NEED. Its not about how much we set aside, the thing that really struck me is whether do I think of not using up the extras that I have only for myself, but giving it to others. Economists especially always think about efficiency, where we aim to fully distribute ALL available resources to KNOWN uses or people ( well, I think like an economist most of the time). I think it is normally not natural for us to set aside our wealth/time/resources for something that is unknown, and not directly beneficial for ourselves.

I always tell others that honours is such a relaxing year because I have so much flexibility, the one thing that I always aim to attain. However, thinking back I don't really spend much of that time on others.. its always about doing something to help ME relax. What about catching up with friends and asking how they are doing? Honours has a tendency of absorbing students into their own world of research, disconnected from society at large. When things get busy, all we want to do is focus on ourselves. What about someone who is as busy as you are, but suddenly just needs another person's time?

Margin of compassion, a deliberate attempt to constraint to prevent ourselves from 'over-consuming' what we need, is really a form of discipline. Don't overspend, don't overwork, don't over-eat, etc. I'll definitely try to not be in a rush all the time!

a special note

Make my wish come true, let darkness slip aside
Hiding all our hope, mocking what we treasure
Battles we can win, if we believe our souls
Heading for the light, till dawn
Fate will not leave you, hate will not heal you
Pray and one day, peace shall flow everywhere

-Serah's theme, Final Fantasy XIII

look back, only to look forward again

it is human to think about the bygones and the journey that we've been through. our experiences could be pleasant or otherwise, but it surely is precious. my professor always tells us that it is alright to make mistakes; just don't make the same mistake more than twice.

so, even if we have been hurt and the past is something we never want to see again, i'd say smile at your past but be sure to have arms wide open to receive the future that is to come.